Being Julia











{January 17, 2012}   Never a truer word . . .
Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

In boy mode I’m a HUGE cinema fan and it’s long been a dream to watch a movie as Julia. Well, last week I finally made it come true.

I’d spent much of the day out (as it were) and about made up and en femme in my current “look” – four-inch, black stiletto boots from Dune (how much?!) , black leggings, a peach and black Miss Selfridge dress (how short?!), dark brown wig and my utterly gorgeous New Look purple coat with its extravagant faux fur collar.

The first part of the day (and I may come back to this in more detail at a later date) was taken up visiting the TG support group I’ve discovered in Wolverhampton and going for my first meal out ever as Julia with one of the girls from there. Thanks Lindsay, I really enjoyed it. Amazing how confident I felt.

Then it was back to the jewellery shop that I bought a pair of clip-on earrings from two years ago to re-stock on those (two pairs this time). Not sure if it’s because I look such a fright but the shop manager, Lea, recognised me from last time and we had quite a chat.

I filled her in on the full sorry story of my last couple of years, Dee cheating on me and blaming the cross-dressing (an excuse?), the heartbreak of the split, and then the ultimate betrayal when she told her lover (a former mutual friend) of my “big secret” . . . and him then taunting me about it on Facebook. Oh, and did I mention that I caught her out texting him on a meal out on my birthday? You couldn’t make it up . . .

Anyway, with earrings purchased I decided it was now or never with my movie plan. I’ve already seen the Swedish trilogy of the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo films and now wanted to check out David Fincher’s English-language remake.

So it was off down the M6 to the Showcase cinema at Walsall, arriving at 4pm, which is when the house lights were due to go down . . . all part of my plan to slip into the screening room under cover of darkness. I parked up as near as I could to the entrance and made my way up the steps to the doors. There was a bloke outside having a fag and I just strode past, blurring my vision and deliberately not making eye contact.

The plan was to get to the ticket desk as quickly as possible, make a quick purchase, keep a low profile and head into the screening room ASAP.

That didn’t quite work out . . .

There was a young man on the ticket desk who informed me that they were having problems  with power cuts and did I still want to take the risk and go ahead. After driving all that way I said ‘Yes’.

Then the next problem. The earlier power cuts had knocked out the debit card machine, and my card was all I had on me. I had to try to explain this in a “Julia voice”. Mmmm, I’ll reserve judgement on that . . . I think I need a voice coach.

Anyway, despite my hope to have a low profile I cringed when I heard him say: “I’ll call the duty manager over.” Oh no . . .

A few minutes later the manager arrived, a young woman in her twenties, who took one look at me and didn’t bat an eyelid (neither had the young man, actually). To add to the pressure, a queue was beginning to build behind me (although I hopefully do ‘pass’ from behind!).

Anyway, after unsuccessfully trying to get things rebooted she then used one word that we T-girls who have no idea whether we ever pass or not long to hear.

“Let her in on my complimentary card,” she said.

Now normally I’d have gone “Yippee, a free film!” But what thrilled me so much more was the use of the word “HER”, said utterly without any edge or side or irony.

So, thanking her profusely, I grabbed my ticket and settled down to watch the film for  the next two hours or so. Thoroughly enjoyed it too, although the rape scene is very upsetting.

Now I’d timed this session when i knew the cinema would be quiet but I was also aware that coming aout at around 6.30pm, there would be a few more people around. So it proved to be, as I walked back to the foyer. I figured the best thing to do was just to look as confident as possible, so instead of scurrying along with my head down, I “glided”, chin up towards the exit. Checking out of the corner of my eyes, I honestly didn’t notice any reaction at all from anyone there. That’s a confidence booster.

After that it was time to return home and back into the house under cover of darkness without any of the neighbours seeing me (I’d been brave/foolish enough to leave the house in full Julia mode in daylight and not been spotted. A gamble but I was feeling kinda reckless/confident . . .  a whole new feeling).

Anyway, there is a punchline to this tale.

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A visual one.

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And one that definitely deserves the description “you couldn’t make it up”.

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Here’s my cinema ticket . . .

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Keep scrolling . . .

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It’s worth it!

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Almost there . . .

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😉

Julia xx

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{January 9, 2012}   The Big Sleep

Julia is back! Yes, after two years of hibernation, I’m back in action again. And loving it!

I’ll fill you in on the gruesome details at some future point but, in short, I’ve just been through the most hellish couple of years after Dee decided not to love me anymore, cheat on me, blame it on the cross-dressing and . . . tell her new lover who then promptly taunted me on Facebook. Bastards! (I really must update the ‘About Julia’ page, somewhat out of date now, singing the praises of Dee. Oh well, her loss.)

I’m finally coming out of the fog of grief now and I think that’s the reason I can go back to being me (us) again.

Also because I’ve had some amazing support from a number of close friends who I’ve outed myself to. You know who you are, guys and gals . . . thanks so much.

That’s it for now. But more . . . much more . . . to follow. I’ve been a very busy girl. The sales have been hit. Hard. And I’ve been out and about again at long, long last.

Till next time,

Julia x



{October 28, 2009}   Thursday blues

It’s  taken a little longer to get round to than usual but, as you may have noticed from this post’s title,  the other Thursday didn’t go quite to plan.

Well, they can’t all, can they? But I figure I owe it to myself (and maybe you out there) to blog the bad days as well as the wonderful ones.

I’ve just had my first dressing up session since then and am currently typing away with my New Look purple dress and New Look 4″ stilettos on. God I love these shoes. They ain’t comfortable and they constantly slip at the heel (something I’m trying to fix), I must have really narrow feet. But they are sooooooo sexy! If they look amazing on me they must be astonishingly so on a GG (in fact, I think a girl at work has the same pair and, yes, they do).

Anyway back to the other Thursday. The plan was two-fold and maybe too brave in retrospect. I was going to drive out to the main shopping centre in Burton, Staffordshire, hit TK Maxx and a couple of other shops and then, if all had gone well, pop in for a glass of wine at a nice, quiet country pub Dee and I had discovered the week before. That would mark my first ever visit to a pub in T-girl mode.

Dressing up went great and I was eventually in full office girl Julia mode, with smart skirt and soft sweater. Couldn’t get the shoes to stay on right so I opted for my stiletto boots which are a tad lower, but still sexy and pointy. With false nails (false everything really!) applied I was off driving round a few country villages to build up my nerve.

But the more I thought about Burton, the more I had my doubts. The car park there needs you to buy a ticket to exit and the only ticket machine i know of is right outside the front door of Asda. To say that is a busy thoroughfare is an understatment. My plan was to park as near to TK Maxx as possible and then make as quick an exit as possible. But the more I thought about buying that parking ticket among the Asda hordes the more panic set in. In the end I simply bottled it and kept on driving, still with the intention though of having a nice cold glass of Dutch courage.

I was getting pretty thirsty by then though, so did brave a tiny post office I’d visited on one of my first Julia outings to buy a Coke. Seemed to go OK although my hands were shaking as I opened my purse to pay. I checked on the way out and nobody  was staring.

I knew the pub I planned to visit opened at midday and i drove past at 11.55, parked up nearby and checked the look when . . . oh, God not again . . . I found I was missing one nail. I’d strutted outside the car for a few minutes so maybe I’d lost it there. Got out to look but it was raining now and there was no sign of it. Got back in the car and . . . on God no, not again, again . . . another nail was missing. By this time, confidence had deserted me completely and all I could do was abandon today’s outing, driving to a country lane to a) strut a bit more b) change back into man mode.

So that’s it. A bad un’ I’m afraid. On the plus side though the make-up was really good and I thought the office look, caught in that Post Office mirror, was a winner.

I’m also conscious  that I still haven’t visited Lea for my make-up lesson yet. I will do, honest, but the opportunities are getting thinner and thinner (unlike me!) and I’d have to go in Bob mode and then walk out in Julia mode. Actually, that’s a fantastically attractive idea . . . but still scary.

I’m still determined to go for that drink but I won’t get another chance for a month now at least.

In the meantime, today’s make-up session has gone well too. Lipstick just the right side of going trout-pout (as I’ve said before, I have very thin lips, so do try to plump them up) and the eyeshadow is the darkest I’ve tried yet . . . a smoky deep purple and black. I thinks it looks great and will try it again next time I go out.

Just got to practice “a large glass of Chardonnay please” in my best Julia voice.

BTW, that second nail . . . I’ve just found it tangled in my wig.

Honestly . . . .



{October 10, 2009}   Off to the office!

I’ve got my whole “office girl” kit now. A purple, rolk neck sweater from George, a lovely black/grey, smart skirt with a split up the back from Tesco and those shoes – the ones I saw in New Look in London and then couldn’t find up here in the Midlands.

And the reason  I couldn’t find them? . . . Looks like they had been withdrawn to be added into the sale . . . where I got them reducied from £25 to £10. Whoopee!

Now I’ll be honest, they are way too high. Much more stiletto even than my boots. But they are gorgeous and I’m keeping them. I can definitely walk a short distance in them but I may have to swap to the boots again for anything incolving more than 100m . . . or get some kitten heels or something lower and maybe a little clunkier (I have got some Mary Janes but they don’t quite look right)

Oh well, we’ll see.

Something struck me the other day. I no longer get sexually excited when I dress up. That used to happen quite a lot.  Now I feel my confidence rising about being outside as Julia the sexual buzz of old has been resplaced by something less tangible but strangely comforting. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

Oh well, I’ve done my office typing for the morning. Back to Bob mode.

More soon . . . Julia’s going out on Thursday!

x



{September 23, 2009}   Dream on . . .

Yesterday I treated myself to a bargain £10, very smart ‘work skirt’ from Tesco.

Last night I dreamed that I forgot myself and just slipped it on in front of Dee.

She reacted in shock.

I woke up.

This stuff runs deep doesn’t it?!



et cetera